How to Have Difficult Conversations With Employees (and Stay Professional)

Whether it’s a word between colleagues or a chat with management about productivity and performance, difficult conversations at work are inevitable. If you’re an HR or business leader, you’ll have to conduct these conversations yourself and train your managers and supervisors to do it well.

Unfortunately, businesses don’t come with a blueprint on how to have difficult conversations. If you’ve worked hard to build a positive work environment, tough conversations can make you feel like you’re going against the culture. However, it doesn’t have to be this way.

Hard conversations in the workplace can come with some challenging emotions, but don’t avoid them out of fear of what might happen. Here are a few strategies and tactics you can use to make these conversations as constructive as possible and preserve your relationship with employees.

The Most Common Types of Difficult Conversations at Work

Not all difficult conversations revolve around the same topic, but there are some common themes that tend to be sensitive. Here are a few examples of difficult topics you may need to discuss with employees.

Performance

Sometimes, an employee’s performance just isn’t up to par. They may be missing deadlines, turning in unsatisfactory work, not meeting sales goals, or lacking in productivity. Having a conversation or engaging in performance coaching is often necessary to figure out what the problem is, boost employee engagement, and help them get back on track.

Advancement

If your employee isn’t happy with how their career is progressing or you feel they should be further along, it may be time to talk about why they’ve been stuck in the same position too long.

Are they not putting in enough effort? Do they need to pursue more training? Might they be better suited for a different position or line of work? These conversations are critical in helping employees advance professionally.

Termination

Having to let an employee go is never comfortable, especially since it deeply affects them professionally and financially. You need to know how to handle these conversations in a professional yet caring manner to help preserve your employee’s dignity as much as possible.

» Learn More: How to Fire an Employee the Right Way

Disposition

Sometimes a difficult conversation has nothing to do with an employee’s performance and everything to do with how they interact with or speak about others.

A negative disposition can interrupt positive workplace culture and impact morale. Having a conversation with an employee who needs to change their disposition should always be done with empathy, grace, and a focus on shared values.

Relationships

Depending on your policy about fraternizing with other employees, you may have to discuss potential conflicts of interest brought up by a workplace romance. Because you’ll have to venture into your employees’ personal lives in conversations like these, you must be able to remain professional while respecting privacy and boundaries.

Hygiene

Hygiene is a sensitive topic for many employees. In this situation, preserving dignity should be of the utmost importance. Additionally, the HR manager, business owner, or direct supervisor having the conversation needs to thoroughly understand the law and know how to proceed if the employee indicates that a hygiene issue is disability-related.

Life Circumstances

Sometimes, an employee’s life circumstances affect their professional life. This often happens in the case of a major illness, the death of a close family member or friend, or severe financial hardship. Empathy is needed for these sensitive conversations, as the wrong approach can affect the employer-employee relationship.

6 Tips to Keep in Mind When Preparing for a Difficult Conversation With an Employee

Having a difficult conversation with employees should never be done haphazardly. Follow these suggestions to ensure you’re prepared for the best possible outcome.

Gather All of the Facts

Make sure that you have thoroughly read and understood all company policies and laws related to the issue at hand. If necessary, write down all the facts of the situation, including who brought it to your attention, when the issue first occurred, and any documented violations or grievances.

Consider role-playing the conversation with another manager just to ensure you’re prepared for all possible reactions and outcomes.

Check Your Own Feelings First

To maintain a positive workplace culture and preserve your professional relationships, it’s important to go into the meeting assuming the employee has good intentions and wants to do the best job possible. Don’t use the meeting to air your own grievances or biases, as this can make an employee feel attacked. Be aware that any negative view of the employee or their intentions may affect your tone or your decisions.

Choose a Private Setting

Difficult conversations should never be done within earshot of the employee’s colleagues. This not only jeopardizes the employee’s dignity and privacy but could also be a violation of the law.

Involve the Appropriate Stakeholders

The HR manager should be present for certain conversations, such as an employee receiving a disciplinary infraction, engaging in the interactive process as per ADA accommodation laws, or facing termination.

The HR manager can provide important information and answer critical questions, such as those pertaining to accommodation request procedures or exit interview scheduling. You may also want another manager present to act as a witness.

Practice Active Listening and Emotional Intelligence

Difficult conversations at work often lead to heightened emotions. Listen intently to the employee’s concerns and allow them to tell their side of the story. You can use these phrases to offer an empathetic word:

• “I understand that this may be difficult for you.”
• “What I think I heard you say was…”
• “Thank you for sharing that information with me.”

Also, keep in mind that sometimes it’s best to just listen without saying anything.

Be Specific About Issues and Resolutions

When it comes to how to start a difficult conversation with an employee, make sure to provide specific examples instead of speaking in generalities:

• “You’ve been late five times in the last month.”
• “We’ve lost out on two clients because your deliverables did not meet specifications.”
• “You need to be at work on time each day for the next 30 days or face probation.”

These examples highlight what the employee did wrong, how the issue impacts others, and what can be done to improve.

Avoid These Mistakes During Difficult Conversations With Employees

If you’re wondering how to handle difficult conversations at work, there are a few mistake you can steer clear of:

• Don’t wait too long to steer the conversation in the right direction when it starts going badly.
• Be sure to follow up with the employee to check on their progress.
• Don’t neglect to offer support and help the employee correct their actions.
• Avoid making assumptions about the employee’s thoughts, emotions, or intentions.
• Don’t take the employee’s reactions personally.
• Maintain composure and avoid raising your voice if emotions become heightened.
• Stay professional; don’t share with the employee any negative things specific colleagues or supervisors have said about them.
• Focus and don’t get distracted in the meeting or otherwise fail to show empathy and respect.

It’s easy for a difficult conversation to move in a negative and unprofessional direction, but being mindful of what you say and how you react will help keep things civil and appropriate

Tackle Tough Employee Conversations With Clarity and Compassion

How you handle difficult conversations can have an impact on your relationship with your team and the overall workplace culture. Your conversations should not only follow legal and company policies but also be empathetic, graceful, and professional.

Although you may have fears and feelings about the situation, try to set them aside and think about the greater objective. No matter what, you want to make sure that the conversation you’re having will leave the employee and the company in the best possible situation given the circumstances. Even if the situation feels negative, do what you can to keep a positive attitude and the best interests of all stakeholders at heart.